Water-stained Glasses

Eye glasses in the rain.  This may be the world’s biggest fail.  From my phone, I can Google all the places in the world where it is currently raining and get exactly 30,690,000 results in 0.36 seconds, but I already have all the information I need.  What information is this? you might ask.  Well, it’s raining here, and that’s all I really need to know.  The heather-gray sweater I chose to wear this morning and my optical accessory of glasses very visibly display the up-to-date weather conditions.

Our society has inventions like phones with holographic images and 3D, a computer that will correct slouchy posture, a bicycle from a folded sheet, and even butter in stick form…  But no water-resistant glasses?!  Come on nerdy scientists!  I know tons of you are reduced to thick lenses and frames from peering into microscopes and staring into outer space all day. You’re killin’ the rest of us blind folk who can’t wear contacts everyday.  I know you’re smarter than this.  I beg you, forget cloning rats and discovering time travel; I need some practical inventions in my life.  And those color changing “transition” lenses?!  What happens to those in the rain?  At least Harry Potter had the spell Impervius for his glasses to repel water during Quidditch matches (because apparently they didn’t have sports goggles or contacts invented?)

Now, I’m not asking for a Jimmy Neutron hover craft, and I probably wouldn’t date anyone with his hair style, but at least the big-brained boy did create some practical inventions like a Shrink-Ray and Book Gum to gain knowledge through the power of chewing Bubbalicious.  He may still believe girls have cooties, but he has a Macy’s Day Parade balloon, so that almost makes him kinda cool.

Inevitably, every time it rains is the day I choose glasses.  As I was walking to class today, I tried to entertain myself by betting on the two drops of evil water racing down my lenses.  In the cross-eyed process, I nearly took out a couple of the children on campus from the Partners Program.  Needless to say, while also an annoyance, the satanic clinging raindrops are a hazard to the safety of society.  I know if Jimmy Neutron was a real boy, he would save me the trouble of walking into the soggy grass when I lose sight of the sidewalk through my water-spotted lenses.

[All Google images]

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