Do you want to annoy me? If so, here’s how: #1 prevent me from sleeping. #2 wake me up when I’m asleep. My lovely housemate could conceivably make a career out of it. Lucky me! Over the past few weeks, she’s been allowing the hall door to slam shut each time she walks in or out and has taken up screaming on Skype until 1 or 2AM as a passionate hobby. Up until last night, I’ve kept my cool and let it go. I’ve tried to drown out her cackling laugh and megaphone volume conversations with my iPod. Last night was finally going to be the last straw when she and her boyfriend burst into our campus apartment at 3AM “whispering” at the decibel of a marching band.
Per my routine, I relaxed my tensely balled fists and started on my yoga breathing while reaching out of my blankets for my iPod. After counting to ten many, many times so I wouldn’t go crashing into her room like the Tasmanian Devil, I turned on my music, rolled over, and attempted to fall asleep. Unfortunately, I could still hear her shrieks, so I upped the volume of my music, which was now adding injury to my ear drums all because I could still hear her talking. I dozed off for a while only to be re-awoken by the boyfriend stomping back and forth down the hallway allowing the door right out side mine to crash shut: not once, not twice, but SIX times (yes, I counted)! When his presumably restless leg syndrome (or maybe just asshole syndrome) quieted down, I thought it was finally their bed time, and I fell back asleep. How silly was I to think that would be the end of their night! Well, when my eyes flew open at 4:50AM from Sara Barellies blasting from her laptop speakers, I was in no mood to write her a “Love Song”. So, I fumbled for my spectacles (I just like that word) and raced for the door, knocking on her’s one millisecond later (I can be really fast when I want, just ask my mom). In my angry, yet curiously drowsy state, I gave her a few harsh lines and a couple of finger shakes too. I’m happy to report I slept soundly for the next three hours, until I had to get up for class at 8. What a great night’s sleep (Yawn). While my family members who try to preach me the bible will probably tell me I should keep forgiving her, I cannot “forgive those that trespass against” my beauty sleep! Y’all know I need it!
And if someone shows YOU this blog post, please don’t punch me; I already I have enough facial stitches for one semester. But if you never read this, let the games begin, baby!